


In a Bind

by captainchakyeon



Series: My Metamorphosis [2]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Pre-debut, Trans Character, Transgender Hakyeon, mentioned transphobia, pre-transition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 08:50:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17557193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainchakyeon/pseuds/captainchakyeon
Summary: Hakyeon gets his first binder, and there's a mixed reaction.





	In a Bind

**Author's Note:**

> have I ever posted twice in one day? I think this is a first for me.

Hakyeon stares in the mirror in front of him, the figure of himself reflects back - showing him in grey slacks and his new white binder. The pale color contrasts his dark skin well, but more importantly - _his chest finally looks decently flat!_

He puts a hand on his chest, and it feels flatter as well. The binder already working better than the two sports bras he was using before he ordered the binder. Hakyeon tries to not squeal, joyful at his chest looking so well. He wants to cry a bit at how masculine he looks.

He never had large breasts to begin with, but nonetheless they gave him terrible dysphoria. Every time they’d show, an automatic frown would form on his lips and a shiver down his spine leaving him goosebumps from feeling disgusting and wanting to tear at his skin out of frustration. So to look at his chest, and not feel that is an accomplishment to Hakyeon, even if it’s one to celebrate mainly on his own.

“Honey, are you almost ready?” His mother’s voice says, coming from his doorway. He looks over to her, his mother already dress for his father’s dinner party celebrating his promotion.

“Uh, yeah. I just have to finish dressing.” Hakyeon politely says, but his face more solemn at the mention of his father. “I’ll be ready soon, promise.”

His mother looks to the outfit laid out on Hakyeon’s bed - a black button down shirt and a velvet maroon jacket. Her lips form a line, and Hakyeon knows this is her disapproval face. He gulps, afraid of the reaction.

“You know your father doesn’t like you dressing that way.” She says. And yes, Hakyeon is very knowing of how his father so sternly looks down on him expressing himself this way. Then again, his father expects him to be his daughter. Albeit, Hakyeon has known for a good while he’s never been a daughter. His father would never come around to see that.

“I know mother.” Hakyeon’s head hangs low now, his voice quiet. As much as he hates it, he starts to rethink his outfit choice. Maybe he should hang his binder up to wear another day just to spare the tension. At the same time, the thought of going out in a dress makes him physically cringe.

“If it were my choice, I’d let you. I hope you also know that.”His mother says softly, laying her hand on the button down shirt. “I don’t understand it very well, but you seem happier when you dress like this. As much as I want a daughter, I want more for you to be happy.” 

Hakyeon nods, trying to stop his eyes from getting more teary. He looks over to his mother going through his drawer, and pulling out a ribbon. She gestures for him to come over to her. Hakyeon slowly makes his way over to her. She helps dress him in the black shirt, and he’s a little bit confused but he doesn’t question it.

“We’ll just have to come to a compromise.” His mother says, as she ties the purple ribbon around his neck, adding a feminine flair to his outfit to keep his father at bay. “Considering the situation, I wish you didn’t have to compromise. I know you don’t want to, but sometimes it’s necessary.”

“Will it always be like this?” He asks, taking a deep breath in. His mother finishes off the bow and sighs, thinking for a moment.

“I sure hope not.” She says, but with a frown while brushing off his shoulder. “I hate to see you torn like this.”

“I hate feeling like this.” Hakyeon states, looking down at his body. “I also wish this wasn’t such a disappointment to dad every time.”

“I know, Hyeji, I know.” She says with a sympathetic look, calling him his birth given name. Hakyeon tries not to cringe too much as he knows she’s trying her best. “Finish getting ready, we’ll leave in a few minutes.”

She turns and then proceeds to leave his room. Hakyeon is left feeling conflicted; at first he was so glad to see a small step in the way of transition and appearing masculine, only to be reminded some of the people so close to him don’t support or understand his journey at all.

He steps in front of the mirror again, frown appearing at the ribbon. He hates the fact he has to play a part in which makes him both emotionally and physically uncomfortable, just to keep others comfortable. 

He sighs, as he tries not to go down a mental path of self-doubt and focusing on all the things that give him dysphoria. Although it may be hard not to do so during dinner, with his father pointedly misgendering him and everyone else going along with it. Maybe it’s worth it just to play along with it just for one more day, like his mom said.

He ends up taking off the ribbon anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter; vixxiah  
> tumblr; captainchakyeon
> 
> i will take all kudos/comments and treasure them forever


End file.
